"The Planned Parenthood Show" is the fifth episode of the second season of Big Mouth. It is the fifteenth episode of the series overall. It premiered on October 5, 2018. It was written by Emily Altman and directed by Bryan Francis.
An argument in sex ed class turns into a skit-tastic journey through the worlds of Planned Parenthood, contraceptives and STDs.
Coach Steve teaches a sex-ed class called "Peenas and Sweeties", which he is now qualified to teach because of recent sexual exploit with Jenna. Nick and Andrew doubt Coach Steve actually had sex with a woman and Jay worries people will find out Coach Steve banged his mom. Jessi believes Coach Steve's story and hopes that he at least wore a condom but Coach Steve says that he didn't because "yogurt balloons taste terrible". Jessi and Andrew worry he might have gotten this woman pregnant or himself STDs but Coach Steve has no idea what those are. Missy suggests he go to Planned Parenthood but Jay expresses his distaste for Planned Parenthood, and explains how he's learned from his dad how horrible Planned Parenthood buildings, (or as he calls them "abortion factories") are, every time he drops off his receptionist there. Nick and Andrew are well aware of how Guy feels about abortions, as he voices these twisted radical opinions in his law commercials and on Twitter. Missy tries to explain how Planned Parenthood isn't that bad as it does so much more than just perform abortions. Coach Steve asks for her to do a skit, explaining Planned Parenthood to him that isn't too preachy and Missy obliges and tells a Star Wars themed story called "The Vagilantes".
In the year 2126, the evil Lord Bilzerian has outlawed women's healthcare and Planned Parenthoods for being "gay". Luckily, an elite medical team called The Vagilantes, led by Captain Missy Foreman-Greenwald travels the galaxy to help out women in need.
In the vagina ship, Caleb and Connie notify Missy that a woman is in need of a pap smear on Planet Texania. Missy worries about this planet but General Fillion and Janitor Glouberman, her two love interests, vow to protect her. They fly over to Texania and shrink down to size so they can enter the vagina of a purple alien woman. They use a cotton swab to scan the cervix for potentially cancerous cells. Just then, The Bilzerians enter the vagina with their penis shaped rocket without consent. Lord Bilzerian tells them that they're in violation of Space Law #69 but Missy runs from the law and hides in the fallopian tubes. They make it to the ovaries, where among the ovum, they find an ovarian cyst. Although Nathan and Andrew volunteer to go out there, Missy takes it on herself to put on her astronaut suit, fly out there, and remove the cyst. The Bilzerians find her and threaten to shoot her with their uncircumcised penis guns if he doesn't surrender but Missy appeals to their humanity, telling them to appreciate the beauty of the female reproductive system. The Bilzerians decide that they should let the women live because without them, there's no way to produce men so they leave and let Missy finish the pap smear. A vagina wipe transitions to after the surgery and it's announced that the procedure was a success and that the patient is going to be okay.
After the story, Jay is convinced that Planned Parenthood does more stuff than just abortions but thinks that abortions are the main thing they do. Jessi contradicts this, saying that they do breast exams, which Jay says that he's offered to do on women everywhere for free. Matthew contributes that they also offer birth control to everyone. Coach Steve asks what "bird control" is and Matthew makes another TV show-referencing skit of his own to help explain what contraceptives are.
In a parody of The Bachelorette, Matthew hosts a show where Leah Birch is set up with several different suitors to find out which contraceptive is right for her to keep her from having a baby. The first contraception is Condom, who hugs Leah and then jokes that he "didn't even feel anything" but then admits honestly that he "felt it a tiny bit and it was okay". The second is The Pill, who immediately wants to confirm that Leah is committed to using her every day but Leah isn't completely sure if she wants to use her. The third contraception is the Implant, who says that if she inserts her into her arm, she won't have to worry about getting pregnant for 3 years. Diaphragm is next and she's portrayed as a gross old lady who smokes. Diaphragm says that she knows Leah's not going to pick her and that she only came for the free food. Next comes IUD, who tells Leah full disclosure, that as effective as he is, he's going to hurt going in. Leah comments on how cold he is. The final suitor is Pull Out Method, who's just a sleazy drunk college kid, who hits on her.
When Leah meets the contraceptives, she chats with The Pill about the confusing rules behind all of her various medications. Condom cuts in and pulls Leah away to say that none of the other contraceptives prevent STDs. Leah is put off by this and drifts closer to the condom. Pull Out Method comes up and tells her that he wants to have raw, bare sex with her. Leah starts to lean his way, knowing that with the other methods, there's no chance of her feeling the same kind of unmolested pleasure as she would with him.
Judgement day comes and Leah gets ready to choose a method to give the rose to. Tensions rise and Leah finally chooses Pull Out Method and the two start making out, much to the disappointment and displeasure of all the other contraceptives. As Matthew gets ready to close off the show, Diane barges in to set things straight. She doesn't allow Leah to use Pull Out Method because she got chlamydia from him back in high school and makes her choose Condom and The Pill both instead. Diane also has an awkward run-in with Diaphragm, who tells her that she hasn't seen her since senior prom, when she used her when having sex with Michael Villarreal. She also brings up how she's dying of bone caner and Diane just leaves, not caring. Implant cries her eyes out in the confessional about not being accepted by Leah. Matthew closes off the show, saying that he thinks ultimately, Leah made the wisest choice ... with help from her mother.
Before the story ends, we get a commercial for another show called "Spatula in Paradise", where Coach Steve stands on the beach and has to choose which spatula he likes better.
Right after this story ends, Andrew is surprised to see how many choices women had to make when it came to birth control and Jessi lets him know that men have to take responsibility too. As she says this, Elliot comes into the classroom for no reason and announces that he's getting a vasectomy because he and Diane are making a commitment to pleasure. Coach Steve is dumbfounded and Elliot explains to him that he wants to keep having sex with Diane but he doesn't plan on having anymore kids. Therefore, he's getting a vasectomy to sterilize himself. Embarrassed, Nick tries to usher Elliot out but Elliot tells Nick that he's coming with him to watch him get a vasectomy.
Elliot retells the story of his past, Annie Hall style, saying that he grew up in Brooklyn, where dogs were all famous celebrities. The year his tale began was 1955. Nick doubts this bullshit story because there was no way his dad was even born at that time but Elliot continues anyway, as he sits on the hospital bed, already at the doctor, awaiting his vasectomy. In 1955, Elliot worked at Bud's Cafe, when in walked Diane, who was a sexually liberated woman who he fell in love with. One night in 1955, Diane called up Elliot to say that a lobster was attacking her. Elliot comes in an saves her by giving the lobster a tennis racket.
Flashforward to the 1970's, where the year was 1955. Elliot and Diane are a happily married couple who don't have kids. They have sex in public and conceive their first child, Judd.
Flashforward to the year 1955, where it's the 80's. Elliot and Diane have finally given birth to all three of their kids. Little baby Nick tells some Seinfeldian stand-up jokes and then shit his diaper. At the end of his story, Elliot gets his vasectomy from a lobster.
At The Glouberman House, "Elliot's Vasectomy" is playing on the TV. Marty rummages by, shouting to Barbara about peach pits, accusing her of eating some. Barbara yells back that she didn't eat them and so Marty goes upstairs to yell at Andrew, despite the fact that Andrew should be at school in the sex ed class. Annoyed with the shit she has to deal with today, Barbara turns on the radio to hear 90's classic, "Groove is in the Heart", which really takes her back.
Groove is in the Heart
Barbara reminisces about her days back in the 90's, where she danced around at a Deee-Lite concert to that very song. At the concert, Barbara hit it off with Towa Tei, who took her to bed with him. After a sweet 90's night of sex, Towa Tei asks Barbara for more sex but she turns him down, dumping him and leaving him heartbroken. Weeks later, Barbara gets morning sickness and finds out she's pregnant with Towa Tei's bastard child, so she goes to Planned Parenthood to get an abortion. After the abortion, she drives home and rear ends Marty's car by mistake. Marty comes out and screams and yells at her and Barbara cries. Marty feels bad that he made her cry and comforts her. Next thing you know, the two are going on dates together and they end up having Andrew. Marty likes the name Andrew because it's a good name to yell in anger.
After the story, Andrew runs by in the house, (apparently still not at school even though he'll be shown there again seconds later) and he admits to throwing one of Marty's peach pits at a squirrel in a fit of rage. Marty overhears this and chases him through the house as Barbara happily sings more Groove is in the Heart to herself.
An iris transition takes us back to the school, where Nick and Andrew are still there in the present, as though nothing happened. Jay sees this story as confirmation that Planned Parenthood does do abortions and Jessi says that it does because women have the right to choose what happens to their bodies. Nick takes out his phone and sees all the nasty Twitter comments their episode is already getting. Andrew rocks back in forth in fear in his chair and worries about how real that last story was. He hopes it's fake, not wanting to have an aborted older sibling. Andrew says that sex is so complicated and Missy says that they haven't even brought up STDs, which cues an involuntary horror story from Andrew.
In a parody of White Zombie, Andrew plays basketball at his house and Lola bikes up to his place, pissed off at him for giving her Blue Waffle from tongue kissing her and shows him a graphic image of a mutilated vagina just to give Andrew a good picture of what he did to her. Lola tells Andrew that he has it too, which means his dick will bust open like a pop and it'll feel all hot. Lola tells Andrew that his life is over now and leaves as it rains a blue splash of color.
Andrew rushes upstairs and scowers the internet for information on Blue Waffles. Maury panics with him and soon finds out that his nose is dripping with Blue Waffle and the two freak out. Marty and Barbara come in to see what the commotion is about and Maury explodes Blue Waffle all over both of them, killing them both with Blue Waffle. Maury tries to kill Andrew with a gun but Maury takes the bullet for him and dies. Andrew bikes away in terror to try and get help. He comes across Missy who gets all sexy with him and touches him, giving herself Blue Waffle too. Maury shoots Missy dead with a shotgun and Andrew runs to Nick's house, where Nick lures him in and knocks him out cold with a baseball bat. Andrew awakens, strapped to a bed, where Nick and Leah plan on giving him surgery, where Judd takes out a chainsaw and tries to cut his dick off. However, Maury kills the Birch kids with his dicks and saves Andrew's penis. Maury plotzes dead right then and there and Andrew realizes he needs to save him.
Andrew bikes Maury's dead body over to Planned Parenthood, being chased by Blue Waffle zombies. When Andrew comes in, he announces that he has Blue Waffle and needs help. The nurse comes up and tells Andrew that Blue Waffle is a fake disease and doesn't actually exist and that he's just been believing an outdated Internet hoax from all the way back on 2012 and that he's just been experiencing the placebo effect. Andrew and Maury are happily relieves and everything goes back to normal. The nurse says that although Blue Waffle is fake, other STDs do exist but they're all easily treatable and that people should just come to Planned Parenthood for help instead of Googling stuff and freaking out. Andrew learns a valuable lesson and just when all seems well, the nurse tells him that the other 2012 meme, Slenderman, is real, just as she transforms into him and kills him.
After Andrew's story, the class is deeply disturbed by just how upsetting his story is but Coach Steve ends up actually learning something about Planned Parenthood. He learns that Planned Parenthood is basically a genital-specific hospital, which Jessi considers "one way to put it". Matthew is amazed that Coach Steve learned something and Coach Steve thanks the class for teaching him and he thanks the audience for watching.
The set opens up and the cast of the episode gets together in Saturday Night Life fashion, where Coach Steve sends out his final thank yous to everybody for letting him host his very own episode of Big Mouth. He thanks Deee-Lite and The Groovers for providing musical entertainment, Nathan Fillion for making a guest appearance on the show, the cue card guy for drawing all of his lines in pictures because he can't read, Pull Out Method, Slenderman, The Liberal Elite for their propaganda, and so many more. Lastly, he sends out some false information about Blue Waffles that the kids try to contradict but the show comes to an end, when the show ends for either Showtime at the Apollo or a Cindy Crawford watermelon skin cream commercial and the episode ends, going into some SNL-style credits.
- Coach Steve
- Nick Birch
- Andrew Glouberman
- Jessi Glaser
- Jay Bilzerian
- Missy Foreman-Greenwald
- Matthew MacDell
- Leah Birch
- The Pill
- Pull Out Method
- Elliot Birch
- Diane Birch
- Barbara Glouberman
- Towa Tei
- Lola Skumpy
- Nathan Fillion
- Val Bilzerian
- Kurt Bilzerian
- The Implant
- Judd Birch
- Marty Glouberman
- Lady Miss Kier
- Bootsy Collins
- Dmitry Brill
- Duke Ellington (Cameo)
- Slenderman (Cameo)
- Devin (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- DeVon (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Freddie Mercury (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Whitney Houston (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Prince (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- This is the first episode not to have a cold opening.
- First anthology episode of the series.
- Coach Steve is now qualified to teach sex ed classes.
- Jay and Guy Bilzerian are pro-life.
- In "Miss Conception", Leah gets into a polyamorous relationship with Condom and The Pill, the latter of which is female. This would mean she's bisexual and open to polyamory. However, since it was just a fictional story, it is unknown if this is true to the real character.
- Diane used to use a Diaphragm in high school.
- In high school, Diane went out with a guy named Michael Fellaryow.
- Elliot gets a vasectomy.
- Elliot tells the story of how he and Diane conceived all three of their kids. However, most, if not all of it is completely fabricated, due to its long list of inaccuracies, it's inconsistent timeline, and the fact that it's a scene for scene copy of the movie, Annie Hall.
- Barbara's story reveals how she and Marty met in the 90's and how Andrew was born.
- It is also revealed that Barbara slept with Towa Tei and got pregnant with an unwanted child and aborted it, giving Andrew an aborted older half-brother.
- Nick breaks the fourth wall, saying that there's going to be a lot of angry Twitter comments about the things they're saying.
- At the end of the episode, everyone breaks the fourth wall, when the actors get out of character and thank the audience for watching their show.
- Freddie Mercury, Whitney Houston, and Prince appear in the cast reunion at the end of the episode, despite none of them appearing earlier in the episode.
- That episode was nominated for the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Animated Program 2019, but it was beaten by "Mad About the Toy" (The Simpsons).
- Coach Steve brags about having just had sex with a woman in "Steve the Virgin" and Jay tries to keep it on the down-low, not wanting anyone to know that it was with his mom.
- In "The Vagilantes", Jay's space shuttle and guns resemble uncircumcised penises. In "Ejaculation", Jay was depicted as an uncircumcised penis.
- Lola is still dating Andrew, after they got together in "The Shame Wizard".
- Leah forgives Andrew for masturbating to her bathing suit, as previously seen in "The Shame Wizard".
- Jay tells people to watch YouTube to learn more about abortions.
- Missy's story "The Vagilantes" is a parody on Star Wars.
- Texania is a parody on Texas and the planet's motto "Don't Mess With Texania" is a parody on the state's motto "Don't Mess With Texas".
- Jay offers to pay girls in BitCoin to touch her rooms.
- Matthew's story, "Miss Conception" is a parody on "The Bachelorette".
- Elliot's story, "Elliot's Vasectomy" is a parody on "Annie Hall".
- Diane's maiden name is said to be "Keaton" in the story, which is a reference to the fact that Diane Keaton played the same character Diane Birch was playing in the movie.
- Diane tells Nick that Woody Allen is a monster, referencing to his sexual abuse of women.
- In the 80's, there was a poster of Dirty Dancing on the wall.
- Diane compares herself to Diane Keaton's character in Baby Boom.
- Nick does a Jerry Seinfeld routine.
- Barbara's unnamed story is a parody on the music video for the Deee-Lite song, "Groove is in the Heart".
- Coach Steve dresses as and acts like MC Hammer.
- Andrew's story, "Blue Waffle" is a parody on "White Zombie".
- Andrew's story parodies the Blue Waffle phenomenon.
- Slenderman appears in the Blue Waffle story.