“ | Nipple twisting requires strength, stamina, and extremely specific calluses. | ” |
—Seamus MacGregor in Twenty Two and You
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“ | Fuck yer prissy heart! Cause I'm not rotting away in some old folks home. Now go fetch this shitting boy an' get the F**K OUT OF MY HOUSE! | ” |
—Seamus MacGregor in Dadda Dia!
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Seamus MacGregor is the paternal grandfather of Nick Birch and the estranged father of Elliot Birch. He is a nipple-twisting wrestling champion from Scotland, who drinks his own piss and abuses his son. He first appeared on video in "Twenty Two and You" and first appeared in-person on "Andrew's Gunna Touch Boob Tonight". He is voiced by Peter Capaldi.
Biography[]
Backstory[]
Seamus MacGregor was born in Inverness, Scotland. As an adult, he became a supreme champion in the sport of professional nipple-twisting, since he held a family gene called "The Warrior Gene", which is what gave him his zest for violence and warfare. He married Rose McGregor and had a son with her named William MacGregor. He and his family eventually immigrated overseas to Westchester, New York to bring the sport of professional nipple-twisting to The States. He served as a very abusive father, who taught his son, William, everything he needs to know about being a nipple-twisting champion. William hated his father because of how cruel and violent he was and when he grew up and left the house, he changed his name to "Elliot Birch" and became the exact opposite kind of father to his family and omitted all information about his family or heritage from his children so that they would never know. Seamus lived alone in a rusty old shack in Staten Island, where he spent his days drinking Shits beer and pissing into the empty cans.
Current Life[]
In "Twenty Two and You", Nick took an online ancestry test called "22 & You" as part of his school project, which is how he learned about his Scottish ancestry and his "Warrior Gene". When Elliot heard that Nick found this out, he destroyed the test results and denied everything. Diane threatened Nick to stay out of his father's genetic history. Naturally, this made Nick curious enough to look through his dad's closet and find a box full of his old stuff, including his ID card from when he was still "William Allistar MacGregor". Nick looked this up on the internet and found an old informational video about Seamus MacGregor and the sport of nipple-twisting, which is where they found a young Elliot Birch, being involved with the sport back when he was still William MacGregor.
In "Andrew's Gunna Touch Boob Tonight", Nick did more research on his grandfather, Seamus MacGregor in the book Scottish Sports Greats, where he found a whole page dedicated to his famous grandfather. He also found out about his current home in Staten Island, so he went down there to meet him and lied to his father, saying that he was going to meet famous New York author, Fran Lebowitz and do an interview with her for his school project. Elliot believed him and let him travel alone on his journey to meet Seamus. Nick went down to the rusty old shack where Seamus lived and introduced himself as his grandson. Seamus let Nick into his house to teach him more about his livelihood. Nick learned about all of the awards and medals he won over the years but eventually started to see just how crappy his house was when he got into his dirty, dilapidated, disgusting kitchen, full of roaches, maggots, flies, and bird shit. The only food Seamus had over there was Shits beer and oatmeal. Although Nick was hesitant at first, he was forced into eating an entire bowl of Shits beer, expired oatmeal, filled with half-dead cockroach corpses, with a spoon smothered in birdshit but Nick stomached the entire bowl like the man he was trying to be. Things only got a million times worse, when Nick found out that Seamus pisses in his empty beer cans. The last straw was when he threw a can of piss at him and splashed it all over his face. In Epididymitis, it was revealed that Seamus went into a retirement home.
Episode Appearances[]
- Twenty Two and You (On Video)
- Andrew's Gunna Touch Boob Tonight (In-Person Debut)
- The Apple Brooch
- Dadda Dia!
- The Parents Aren't Alright
- Fucked Up Friday
- Epididymitis (Mentioned)
Trivia[]
- Seamus is of Scottish descent.
- Seamus passes down The Warrior Gene to his offspring.
- Seamus drinks a brand of beer called Shits and pisses into the empty cans.
- Seamus hasn't taken his shoes off in 15 years.
- Seamus won the 1967 nipple-twisting championship against Mike "The Manicure" MacNomera.