"Rankings" is the seventh episode of Season 3 of Big Mouth. It is the twenty-eighth episode overall.
Synopsis[]
As the friends feverishly swap lists of the hottest kids in school, newcomer Ali stokes the flames by announcing she's pansexual.
Plot[]
During Devon's bachelor party (since he is willing to get married to Devin if it means a handjob) the boys are having a great time when Devon and Nick disagree about whether the hottest girl at school is Devin or Gina so most boys agree to make lists of their top 3 hottest girls at school, with Jay briefly slipping and saying boys and girls but takes it back when Nick questions him, and they set to work but Andrew is having some trouble deciding on who to place on his list due to him finding many girls' various physical features too attractive. Jay then announces that he arranged for an exotic dancer to entertain at the party but the dancer turns out to be an eight year old little girl who apparently has no idea of what to do.
The next day at school, Andrew has divided his list according to the girls' body parts he finds the most appealing and places Gina on the body section when Maury mentions Devin's hair is shiny and has "swing factor", Andrew agrees that it is indeed attractive but his creepy remarks about her hair lead Maury to ask Andrew if he is the Ponytail Killer.
Suddently, Miss Benitez announces that there is a new student in their class, who turns out to be a beautiful girl named Ali who was transferred from Our Lady in the Water, Miss Benitez then asks Ali to introduce herself to the class so Ali tells her new classmates some trivial facts about herself before proudly announcing to everyone that she is Pansexual, much to the classmates, Connie and Maury's shock. Matthew, whose boyfriend attends that same school, whispers to Jessi that Ali was apparently expelled for making out with a nun while Nick then asks what being Pansexual means despite their teachers' protests but Ali proceeds to explain while also referring to bisexuality as "so binary" while Miss Benitez gently comments that she just wanted a "quick, curse-free introduction" but goes ignored by everyone. When Nick whispers about having to update his list thanks to Ali, Jessie overhears them and asks what is it about lists and states that the idea is "gross".
Later, the boys are preparing for gym class at their dressing room while talking about how interesting and attractive Ali is for being into boys and girls and Jay seems happy that the boys think so highly of Ali due to that and this makes him hopeful that everyone will accept him if he comes out as Bisexual. Andrew asks Maury why is Ali's sexuality "so hot", to which Maury replies "threesome!" and Andrew starts to fantasize about him having a threesome with Leah and her friend. After gym class, Andrew comes out of the dressing room to find Jessie waiting for him and she sweetalks Andrew into revealing more information about the lists and, despite Andrew's initial reluctance, he gives in and reveals Nick's list: 1. Gina 2. Mila/Lotte 3. Devin. Jessie then gets to the point and asks if she was in anyone's lists but Andrew says she wasn't but that it was alright since she finds the lists to be gross, unaware that Jessie actually wants to be on somebody's list so Jessie ends up very dissapointed and later informs Matthew about what is going on.
At the cafeteria, the TV shows Matthew's news channel where he tells everyone about the lists and how this brings a new twist to the "Child Wedding of the Century". The screen then shows Gina protesting about the boys objectifying the girls, Lola pushes her aside and complains half-heartedly and flirts with the viewers while a very angry Devin complains that she should be the only girl on Devon's list, much to the boys' chagrin. Matthew then asks Ali, who he invited to the channel for interview about her opinion of the lists and she reveals that she initially considered her current school to be "so basic" but was impressed with the "weird child wedding", ranking and getting to swear on an in-school TV show and declares that the school is awesome while going wild cursing.
That night, Lola throws a bachelorette party for Devin at her apartment, including an obscene game but Devin doesn't want to do anything since she is still too angry about Devon making a list. Ali tells Devin that if she is so angry about it she should make her own list but Devin pretends she didn't hear her and passes it off as her idea so the girls rank the boys just like they did to the girls.
At Nick's house, Jay tells Duke's ghost about his classmates' interest in Ali and asks him if this could mean that he can come out as Bisexual and be accepted just like she was but Duke in unsure about that and invokes the ghosts of Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando but quickly sends them back upon realizing that they were busy doing a "69" yet Duke wonders if they might've also liked to do it back when they were alive, which helps Jay make his decision.
The nexy day, the girls reveal their lists and Ali and Devon are ranked as the hottest girl and boy in their class and Caleb even made an app so that the kids can check the official list called "Listeria". The final ranking ends up pleasing some of the students such as Andrew who is #7 but also caused others to be jealous and insecure such as Nick, whose score is #14 and the fact that he isn't on Ali's list but Andrew cheers him up by revealing that he is #3 on Gina and Lola's lists but he only pays attention to Gina's and it makes him hopeful that Gina might still have feelings for him so he walks up to her and tries to act nice yet subtly downplay Charles Lu's appeal (who is #1 on her list) and hints that he may replace Ali with Gina as #1 on his own list but then only ends up falling off her list completely. Jessie is also upset as her score is #14, even lower than Devin and Lola while Devin is on the verge of a breakdown because she was ranked #13, which makes Devon insecure about their upcoming "wedding".
Meanwhile, Matthew is talking to Caleb when Jay bursts in the set despite Matthew's protests and proudly announces to everyone that he is Bisexual in an exaggerated way and hands Matthew his own list (1. Ali 2. Gina (because of her breasts) 3. Charles Lu), much to Miss Benitez displeasure. After Matthew ends the show, Jay asks about his opinion on him coming out as bi but simply tells him that it's just a matter of time before Jay turns gay and that him being bi is just a phase and Caleb doesn't give any positive feedback either. At the boys' dressing room, Jay realizes that coming out as bi doesn’t lead to anything positive since his acquaintances first thought he was just seeking attention but now feel uncomfortable around him.
That night, Andrew still cannot figure out who to make his list ranking the girls' body parts so Maury creates a monster made out of said body parts but with no face, much to Andrew utter disgust. Meanwhile, Jessie and Nick are depressed over the fact that they are considered unattractive by the opposite sex, with Nick being especially upset that Gina removed him off her list and replacing him with Matthew, apparently having figured out Nick's intentions and rant about how it is unfair that they were ranked so low despite their good qualities despite Connie's attempts to cheer them up.
The next day, all the kids are at Nick's house, were Devon and Devin's "wedding" could take place with Matthew and Lola reporting everything for his news channel and they talk about the issues the couple might be facing, the Janssen twins now having the same hairdo and once again looking identical due to Lotte copying Mila, much to the latter's annoyance. Lump then flirts with Ali in a rude way and Ali's retort makes him cry while Jay watches the scene, still sad over the unfair treatment he gets compared to her. Connie tells Jessi to forget about the boys and go talk to Judd, who brought his raccoons to serve as waiters but he doesn't show much interest, barely greeting her as "Nick's friend Jessi", she attempts to engage in conversation with him but she proves to be very clumsy so he ignores her and walks away while Jessi runs away when Nick asks what is she doing then confides in Connie that she wants to "eat [Judd's] T-shirt" as Andrew is followed by Maury's monster, hom Maury named "Krewkie" and it tries to hump him but he wants nothing to do with it. At Nick's bedroom, Devon is pacing back and fort in concern when Nick walks in and reminds him that it's Devon's time to walk up to the altar but Devon confides on him that he is too nervious and he doesn't think he can go though with the wedding, Nick is not surprised by this since Devon is just a child but then Devon reveals that it's because he is the official hottest boy in the grade while Devin is #13 and asks what is the problem with Devin and Nick, as carefully as possible, tells him that it's because Devin is "a bitch", Devon is shocked by this since he thought he was the only one who knew about that and this makes him even more concerned.
Back with Matthew and Lola, he announces that twenty minutes have past and there is still no groom on sight while Lola argues with a raccoon waiter since she wants more food so Matthew decides to leave her be and flirts with Aiden. Ali walks by Nick's living room where Devin is and as soon as Ali is close enough Devin drags her in and takes out her anger and jealousy on her since Ali was ranked first in nearly all the lists and chews her out for coming to her wedding due to Ali "ruining everything" with her pansexuality, her "sexy" glasses, smooth skin and the fact that Ali didn't even put Devin on her list and before Ali can offer some waords of comfort Devin ends up kissing Ali out of insecurity, much to the latter's disgust. The girls' argument is interrupted by Matthew announcing that Devon was trying to flee before Nick stops him by stating that he has plenty of reasons to not want to marry Devin such as Devon being a child or Devin being a bitch but the rankings are not a valid reason since it doesn't matter what the others think, this and seeing how beautiful Devin looks dressed as a bride makes Devon have a change of heart and "marry" Devin, as the guests cheer for them Ali and Jessi agree that Devin probably won't carry through with her end of the deal and give Devon a handjob while Jessi comments on how drunk Devin's younger sister is.
At the wedding reception, Andrew is still being harrassed by Krewkie and asks Maury to get rid of it since he realized that he shouldn't be looking at women as a collection of parts but as people and that if he can't see that then he is the monster. Maury complies and takes Krewkie away. Meanwhile, Nick sadly watches Gina happily dancing with Charles Lu, realizing that they are indeed dating now when the two kiss. Jessi attempts to ask Judd to dance with her but he rejects her offer since he doesn't want to dance with a kid and walks away from Jessie's sad attempt at flirting and she wonders if she will ever stop liking guys she can't have but Connie avoids answering. Jay is sitting alone at a table in misery when Ali sits next to him and tells him that congratulates him for coming out but Jay doubts that it was a good idea due to the negative feedback he got for it and claims that it would've been much easier if he was a girl but Ali disagrees and asks Jay if he has any idea of why she left her old school and Jay goes on a tirade about the rumors of Ali engaging in sexual activities with nuns until Ali cuts him off and reveals the true: she had to leave the school after she told her best friend that she liked her but the "friend" in turn called her a "lesbo" and got their classmates to stop talking to Ali, which makes Jay go quiet and feels sorry for her and Ali tells him that no matter what, coming out is hard and Jay should be proud. Ali then ignored Jay's obscene advances and invited him to dance with her instead, which he accepts.
At the dance floor Lola, having no partner, had to smuggle a ham under her dress to get a raccoon waiter to dance with her while the Janssen twins dance with each other, having reconciled, while casually talking about how they could kill and eat their classmates and kiss each other in the mouth albeit nobody notices anything. Andrew and Nick sit sadly as they watch their crushes dancing with their new partners. Jessi sits next to them while trying to lighten the mood bringing up the fact that even if they don't have partners they still have each other. This cheers the boys up until Andrew declares they will be "virgins until college", which names Kick frown and Jessi buries her face in her hands and whispers "fuck me", to which Andrew replies "Sophomore year".
Characters[]
Major Roles[]
- Nick Birch
- Andrew Glouberman
- Jessi Glaser
- Jay Bilzerian
- Missy Foreman-Greenwald
- DeVon
- Devin
- Ali
- Gina Alvarez
- Judd Birch
- Brad
- Maury
- Connie
Minor Roles[]
- Matthew MacDell
- Lola Skumpy
- Lars
- Mila Jansen
- Lotte Jansen
- Lump Humpman
- Charles Lu
- Miss Benitez
- Duke Ellington
- Caleb
- Krewkie
- Raccoons
- Leah Birch (Imagination)
- Leah's Friend (Imagination)
- Gogurt Burglar (Cameo)
- Richard Pryor (Cameo)
- Marlon Brando (Cameo)
- Coach Steve (Cameo)
- Pigor (Cameo)
- Devin's Sister (Cameo)
- Aiden (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Ponytail Killer (Mentioned)
- Terry Lizer (Mentioned)
- Ella
Songs[]
Trivia[]
- The episode caused some controversy due to Ali's inaccurate explanation about pansexuality and series co-creator Andrew Goldberg apologized for it[1].
- It is revealed that Andrew thinks Gina has the most attractive body, Devin the best hair, Missy the most attractive smile, Diane the most attractive hands and Ali the best eyewear.
- It is revealed that Jessi is very unpopular at her grade, even more so than Devin and Lola, both of whom are considered very unpleasant/unattractive.
- Devin and Devon were not seen at the wedding reception while Ali and Jay were not seen at the dance floor despite agreeing to dance together.
- It is revealed that Mila and Lotte may be cannibals and plan to eat their classmates and are also into incest.
Continuity[]
Cultural References[]
- During Devin and DeVon’s wedding Jay seems to be wearing a purple button shirt and black vest. Similar to Michael Jackson’s outfit in the Billie Jean music video
Gallery[]
