|“||"I refuse to work for Uber. No, because they picked up at the airport when the border ... um, ... no, wait, they ... uh, ... You know, I forget, but I don't forgive."||”|
—Andrew Glouberman in The ASSes
Andrew Glouberman is one of the two main protagonists, alongside Nick Birch of Big Mouth. He is the 13-year-old boy. His best friend is Nick Birch, who goes to Bridgeton Middle School and lives in a suburban house in Westchester, New York. As if being a socially awkward dork wasn't enough, puberty has hit Andrew like an oncoming train, turning him into a greasy, hairy mid-pubescent mess, who gets driven to madness by his hormone monster, Maury, who constantly urges him to masturbate, even at the worst possible times. He is voiced by John Mulaney.
Andrew Glouberman was born in 2005, to Marty and Barbara Glouberman. In "The Planned Parenthood Show", a skit reveals the story of how his parents met and gave birth to him. Barbara came up with his name and Marty agreed to it, when he found "Andrew" to be an easy name to yell in anger. Andrew lives in a suburban house in Westchester, New York.
During his childhood, Andrew has become best friends with his neighbor, Nick Birch. The two would go over to each other's houses to play basketball and have sleepovers during the weekends. Andrew had visited The Birch House so often, that Nick's parents, (Diane and Elliot Birch) considered him their unofficial "fourth child". Throughout the many years, they've played basketball, Andrew has never once been able to score a single goal; a constant failure that has become a running gag in the series. Andrew has also developed meaningful friendships with Jessi Glaser and Jay Bilzerian.
Andrew started going through puberty when he was 12 years old and it was not a gentle start. As soon as Andrew started going through changes, he started getting pimples, facial hair, pubes, and the insatiable urge to masturbate. Andrew first met his hormone monster, Maury, when he was watching the movie Must Love Dogs and he got a boner from Diane Lane's character coming down the stairs in a spaghetti strap dress, as he mentioned in "My Furry Valentine". When Andrew first met Maury, he mistook him for a very large dog. Maury would drive Andrew crazy by constantly urging him to jerk off, look at boobs, act like a horndog, and even suggest he do some very perverted and inappropriate things.
In "Ejaculation", the class is watching a video on the female reproductive organs, which causes Andrew to get sexually aroused. Maurice, the hormone monster makes his debut, by popping out of his desk and telling him to masturbate. Andrew tries to deny Maury's existence, by saying that he's just a figment of his imagination, but Maurice proves his legitimacy by giving him a boner, prompting Andrew to exit the room uncomfortably and jack off in the bathroom.
Later in the episode, Andrew has a sleepover with Nick and takes a shower in his bathroom. When Andrew comes out of the shower, Nick jumps out of his dresser to scare him as a joke, causing Andrew to drop his towel and reveal his penis to Nick. It is revealed that Andrew has a fair amount of pubic hair and that his penis is significantly larger than his own. The situation is so awkward for Andrew, that he has trouble sleeping at their sleepover that night. To make matters worse, Maurice comes up when Nick is asleep and pressures him to masturbate once again. Andrew feels bad about doing this right next to his friend, even if he is asleep, while it happens. Andrew eventually imagines Nick's dead grandma's alarm clock as his dad's law-firm assistant, Susan, and jacks off to her. The next day, Andrew is overwhelmed by awkwardness and asks to be taken back home, even though he previously planned to stay with Nick the entire week.
In "Am I Normal?", Andrew struggles to blend in after a growth spurt, and because he was on a basketball team where he fights on with his dad and he shoots the ball in the basket and won his shot. After finishing the game they met Gina a very physically developed Bolivian girl on Missy and Jessi's soccer team whose sudden pubertal development causes a stir at school. When that time comes he metes the Shame Wizard when he was freaked out and then it was Blue Waffle, but it was not real, it was Slender Man that turned the Pharmacist into.
In "My Furry Valentine", Andrew gets jealous of Lars for hanging out with Missy and he tries to deny his handicap and show him up in front of Missy and everyone else at the party by forcing him out of his wheelchair. To his surprise, Lars actually was handicapped and he just made an ass of himself in front of the entire school. Missy rightfully damned him for his ableist actions and broke up with him. Andrew started crying like a simpering pussy and then Lola took his beret off, which was stuck to his hair with gum. This tore his hare off and made him look like a bald, middle-aged man.
As his parents went on a trip to Florida because they saw a bunch of old men Fontana Del Vecchio Estates 'till she saw Cheryl, Andrew's cousin and her friend Vicky when they arrive in Florida and when he and Andrew got to Camp Mohegan Camp but he wasn't he was angry when Nick had left.
Andrew is a nerdy Jewish young teen, sporting reddish-brown hair, hazel eyes and a very thin mustache. (In "Am I Normal?", Andrew's dad forcibly waxes his mustache, but it grows back in the next episode.) He is tall, has a noticeable paunch, and wears large black glasses, a green shirt, and blue jeans.
Andrew is a very nerdy, awkward, blossoming teenage boy, who is suffering through puberty in all of its painful and disgusting glory. Andrew is very smart and he knows a lot of information about multiple different subjects. He is perverted, but only the normal amount for a boy his age. His masturbatory subjects vary from normal things such as pictures and thoughts of girls and women he knows, but also lots of weird things such as butt-shaped tomatoes. Despite his perverted demeanor, Andrew still has a soft side for love, as he fell in love with Missy and maintained a loving, nonsexual relationship with her. Andrew also has a passion for music and he plays the saxophone. He wears a fedora, which he is very fond of. Andrew has the tendency to complain about very pointless and trivial things, much like his father and he can sometimes let his anger get the best of him, such as the time he cursed out at his friend, Nick in "Ejaculation" just for going to the prom with a girl instead of going to the prom as a group of friends with him, Jay and Jessi, and even worse, when he attacked Lars in "My Furry Valentine" for becoming friends with Missy and even throwing him out of his wheelchair and forcing him to walk.
- Nick Birch - Nick and Andrew were formally best friends, but Andrew decided to end it in Super Mouth, but resumed their friendship in Season 4, Poop Madness.
- Jessi Glaser - Jessi and Andrew are really close to each other, though Jessi may sometimes be annoyed at Andrew for his pervert acts.
- Jay Bilzerian - Jay and Andrew are really close to each other, Andrew can deal with Jay's sex life.
- Matthew MacDell- Andrew turned to Matthew for advice, when he suspected he might have been gay. Matthew was very kind and helpful to Andrew, helping him understand his sexuality.
- Lars - Andrew started getting jealous when he saw Missy and him hanging out a lot, therefore leaving Andrew to hate him. Though, they are probably an acquaintance with both of them hating Nick.
- Missy Foreman-Greenwald - Missy was Andrew's first girlfriend. They started dating in season one (Requiem for a Wet Dream), and their love started to rise quite high. But in the episode The Head Push, Missy decided to do a mons push on Andrew. He immediately stepped away so he didn't "jizz" in his pants. Missy sees this like she did something wrong, leaving her parents to decide for them to no longer see each other. In I Survived Jessi's Bat Mitzvah, they decided to date in secret, they went right into Dina Reznick's office to make out, then Missy got out of hand with the whole situation, she threw up while they both were taking a photo, because Andrew said he loved her. Therefore, Missy wants to end her relationship for real.
- Marty Glouberman - Marty and Andrew aren't the strongest when it comes to son and father relationships. He can be seen shouting at Andrew, embarrassing him, and calling his own son a pervert.
- Barbara Glouberman - Barbara and Andrew have got a perfect mum and son relationship. But she does get a bit over the top when Andrew does something wrong, thinking stuff is her fault, and she is overprotective.
- Maury - Maury and Andrew are friends, even though Maury is his hormone monster. They built a good friendship with each other.
- Andrew Glouberman is the first character to speak in the series.
- Andrew is a die-hard Mets fan.
- Andrew is still in love or still has feelings for Missy.
- Andrew questioned his sexuality in the episode "Am I Gay?" when he got a boner from watching Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson show off his glorious abs. However, after feeling nothing during his kiss with Nick, he eventually decided that he was straight.